A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I did not marry a roomba.
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