U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love you. Go after that dick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
