HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
