An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
