I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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