if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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