My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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