I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
