ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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