Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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