I'm jealous of your bromance
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
