You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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