I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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