I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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