Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
