u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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