you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
