you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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