went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
