I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
