is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
