I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
