She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
