I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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