he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
