I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
