its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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