I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My ass is underappreciated
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
