Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
