what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
