His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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