turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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