shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize