My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
