I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
