dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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