my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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