he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
