careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We need to get me chipped asap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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