if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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