my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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