dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
