Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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