I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
