I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
