Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
