I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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