Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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