census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.