Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.