Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.