why didn't you poke me back
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
