Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!