the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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