Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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