were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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