Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
