I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
