They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
