next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
