never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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