You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
