the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
