I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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