Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
