how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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