Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
