Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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