the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
