you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
