Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
